One Year.....

So, tomorrow will be one year since a very, very close Aunt of mine passed away from colon cancer. This Aunt was not only an Aunt, she was my Godmother and definitely like a second Mother to me. Auntie Lynda "Auntie Ninnie" was one of those Aunts who would spoil you rotten with love, attention, presents and just simply a good time. She was always there for me for my sporting events, plays, my High School Graduation, etc.

Auntie Lynda would always tell me how proud she was of me, seeing me intern, my name on TV as a weather spotter for the Boston News stations, with my grades, etc. When she first was diagnosed with colon cancer, I remember being there, walking into the hospital room and seeing her immediately break down and cry. She started to say things like "I'm never going to see you graduate college, Jeremy" and to my sister "I won't see you get married." Hearing her say these things made it realllly tough for me not to cry--Especially since my Aunt, Sister and Mother were all crying. Now, since my Father and Brother hadn't arrived yet, I was the "man" of the moment, so I wanted to stay strong for everyone. However, I too, ended up starting to cry. I then looked at my Aunt and sternly told her that what she is saying is NOT true and that she will beat the cancer and continue to live a strong, healthy life.

In my mind, I honestly thought that what I was telling her was true. However, after a 6 year battle with the cancer, she sadly passed away at her home one year ago tomorrow. This was tough for me, since I was there, holding her hand as she gave her last breaths. I will never forget the horrible moaning she was making during this time. 

I have dealt with losing a loved one to cancer before, as MANY family members have passed from cancer--including my Jitho (Lebanese for Grandfather). However, I was only 8 when he passed away and didn't fully understand the events. Now, as a 22 year old, I was fully aware and could totally understand what was happening and was "closer" to my Aunt, since I knew her longer than I did my Grandfather. 

Now, I realize that sadly and unfortuantely, my aunt was right. She wasn't going to make it to see me graduate college or be there for my Sister, Brother and I's wedding and children. As my college graduation approaches, I am feeling more sad and sad each day because I knew how much my Auntie Ninnie wanted to see me walk across that stage for my college graduation. She was always so anxious to see me on TV someday reporting for 7News or FOX25 News. 


I think about my Auntie Ninnie everyday. In fact, as I sit here writing this, I am crying. I just really wish she never was diagnosed with cancer. I wish NOBODY was. 


Seeing how sad my Mom was--and still is, breaks my heart even more. This was her older Sister, one who was extremely close to my Mother. Even though it has been a year, I honestly am not over and have not realized that she is gone. It's so hard for me to believe it.


It's that specific song, movie, picture, food, etc. that whenever I see it, I cry because it was my Auntie Ninnie's favorite or it was something we did together. 


I'll leave you with a a piece put together from a few different songs that were actually songs my Aunt loved and felt were good songs to think of when someone close passed away.....


It's kinda hard with you not around,
Know you in heaven smiling down,
Watching us while we pray for you,
Every day we pray for you!
Til the day we meet again,
In my heart is where I'll keep you AUNT
Memories give me the strength I need to proceed
Strength I need to believe.

You’re in the arms of the angel,
May you find some comfort there.

And I know you're shining down on me from Heaven,
Like so many friends we've lost along the way,
And I know eventually we'll be together.
One sweet day. 

May you forever rest peacefully in the arms of God and all of His Angels, Auntie Lynda. I will always love and miss you!!!! You mean the world to me and I will never forget you. Never.  As your favorite song from Shania Twain goes: 

The best thing about being a woman
Is the prerogative to have a little fun.

I know you are having fun up in Heaven. I will always love you. Goodnight Auntie Ninnie, I will see you in the future.